First, I'd like to not thank you for hiring me, because I just expect good things to happen to me without working for them.

Hammer

• Permalink: First, I'd like to not thank you for hiring me, because I just expect good things to happen...
• Added: May 06, 2018

Peter, that's the problem with kids today. They have no attention span.

Quagmire

• Permalink: Peter, that's the problem with kids today. They have no attention span.
• Added: May 06, 2018

I'm off to get you a job, a girlfriend, and onto the road less scummy.

Stewie

• Permalink: I'm off to get you a job, a girlfriend, and onto the road less scummy.
• Added: April 29, 2018

What the hell have you been complaining about?

Stewie

• Permalink: What the hell have you been complaining about?
• Added: April 29, 2018

Stewie, I'm in Chris' body. I'm dragging 250 pounds of lard up a ladder.

Brian

• Permalink: Stewie, I'm in Chris' body. I'm dragging 250 pounds of lard up a ladder.
• Added: April 29, 2018

Brian: There was a time, not to long ago, when people would talk with each other.
Peter: Yeah, the bad time. The sucky ages.
Brian: Our society is doomed. People and technology are a bad match. Just like moms and Radiohead.

• Permalink: Our society is doomed. People and technology are a bad match. Just like moms and Radiohead.
• Added: April 29, 2018

Peter: Lois, why is my son playing with a vacuum like a girl? Here. Play with this discus and javelin. Then you can grow up like a man like track and field star Bruce Jenner -- the greatest man in the world. Maybe you'll even end up on a box of Wheaties.
Stewie: Didn't these used to have nuts in 'em?

• Permalink: Didn't these used to have nuts in 'em?
• Added: April 22, 2018

If God would have wanted women in the workplace he would have made them alcoholics.

Peter

• Permalink: If God would have wanted women in the workplace he would have made them alcoholics.
• Added: April 22, 2018

Even in the 50s you're a scumbag.

Stewie

• Permalink: Even in the 50s you're a scumbag.
• Added: April 22, 2018

If you want to have fun with your girl try dancing. It's fun and good for your health.

Peter

• Permalink: If you want to have fun with your girl try dancing. It's fun and good for your health.
• Added: April 22, 2018

For 60 years, Sundays have meant God, football and Family Guy. And later, to a lesser degree, The Simpsons.

Peter

• Permalink: For 60 years, Sundays have meant God, football and Family Guy. And later, to a lesser degree,...
• Added: April 22, 2018

Stewie: I can't believe you still want to invest in this. They use dog meat. How can you condone the eating of other dogs?
Brian: Oh, c'mon, Stewie, it's their way. Who are we to judge other cultures?

• Permalink: Oh, c'mon, Stewie, it's their way. Who are we to judge other cultures.
• Added: April 08, 2018