Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXStewie Griffin Quotes
Stand up is so 20 years ago. Twitter's only three years ago.
Brian: You've been hanging out with Tom Cruise?
Stewie: Sure have. We spent the whole day together, and he showed me there are a lot of advantages to being short.
Brian: Yeah? Like what? You're the last one to get wet when it rains?
Stewie: Doesn't it boether you being an adult man who's that short, 'cause the doctor said that's where I'm headed.
Tom Cruise: No way, man. In the middle of the word short is "or". Or gives you a choice, and I choose not to be short.
Stewie: Wow. You need a road map for that one.
Tom Cruise: Nobody walks away from tiny Tom Cruise.
Stewie: Yeah, except for all three of your wives.
Hey? You up? Guess where I have a crayon?
Stewie: Yes looks like someone's gone at him with a whip.
Brian: That is a perfectly valid way of saying that. Bravo master.
Stewie: Master? Aaand a surprisingly quick erection for Stewie.
Oh yeah 'cause you know him so well, shut your faaaaaace.
The new maid is peeing on me, and she didn't even say anything clever!
I feel like once I get them on a schedule, every thing will be fine!
Brian: This one's bones feel all loose.
Stewie: I think this one's blind.
I caught two of them trying to eat each other, so that's something we need to watch out for.
Brian save the placenta! Save it, I want to eat it.
