Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXChris Griffin Quotes
All I know about sex is from internet porn, so I'm very excited to try buffering.
Stewie: How long have you been there?
Chris: Long enough to know that you have herpes and do weird stuff with your teddy bear.
Stewie: HE does weird stuff; I just don't stop him.
Chris: Why are your nipples poking into me?!
Meg: Sorry! That happens when I'm cold.
Chris: But why are there THREE of them?!
Meg: They're aren't! Two of them are moles.
Chris: Those numbers still don't add up!
Chris: Hey, check it out, there's an air show!
Lois: Oh my god, they're gonna crash!
Peter: Oh no don't worry, it's a gay air show. They're just gonna lightly touch tips.
Wow, a parade! It's like I'm walking past stuff, but I'm not going anywhere!
Chris: I have an itch!
Meg: I don't care! Dead people don't scratch their balls!
Peter: Shut up, Meg!
Lois: Peter!
Chris: Dad!
Brian: You're back!
Meg: [dejectedly] Yay.
I always knew one day this would happen.
Chris: No! What just happened? What was that thing?
Peter: I don't know, some kind of superbird. Or maybe just an average bird who bought a Bowflex.
Peter: Hey Lois, let's go outside and see if we can find some great tits! 'Cause there certainly ain't any in here!
Chris: Remember those two we saw last night? One was bigger than the other!
Meg: Now, here's my post office key. I need you to go downtown, and get the stuff from my P.O. box.
Chris: You don't get your mail here?
Meg: No. I get a lot of private correspondence from the Netherlands.
Chris: Like what?
Meg: Like, I'm part of a group that trashes Anne Frank's house every year.
Meg: How about I won't tell Mom and Dad about the money if you promise to do what I say.
Chris: Meg, this is how a lot of porn starts.
