This is why you're so great, dad. You don't pretend to be someone you're not. You don't care what anyone thinks.

• Permalink: This is why you're so great, dad. You don't pretend to be someone you're not. You don't care...
• Added: November 08, 2015

I thought you were this wordly, sophisticated guy, but you're just a fraud. Like Moses.

• Permalink: I thought you were this wordly, sophisticated guy, but you're just a fraud. Like Moses.
• Added: November 08, 2015

Neil: Is this a nut free counter?
Chris: Uh I don't know, my dad's might have been on there at some point.

• Permalink: Uh I don't know, my dad's might have been on there at some point.
• Added: April 19, 2015

Chris: It's made of skittles! You want to eat the baby together on the way home?
Lois: Yeah, I'd like that.

• Permalink: Yeah, I'd like that.
• Added: February 15, 2015

Chris: What should I do dad??
Peter: I don't know -- where's that girlfriend of yours, she seems cool?

• Permalink: I don't know -- where's that girlfriend of yours, she seems cool?
• Added: February 15, 2015

AHHHHH, my morning scream. AHHHHH! Heather's gone!

• Permalink: AHHHHH, my morning scream. AHHHHH! Heather's gone!
• Added: February 15, 2015

Chris: Hey Heather I made your favorite cookies, now I want to hear about your day.
Peter: Hey Lois I heard Katherine Heigl likes to french kiss.
Lois: Oh my god, Chris treats that pile of junk better than Peter treats me!

• Permalink: Oh my god, Chris treats that pile of junk better than Peter treats me!
• Added: February 15, 2015

Chris: Mom, is dad gonna die?
Lois: Well Brian's the one with the brain tumor.

• Permalink: Well Brian's the one with the brain tumor.
• Added: January 11, 2015

Stewie: Here. I'll quiz you. Who said, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself"?
Chris: Scooby Doo
Stewie: No
Chris: Shaggy
Stewie: It's nobody on Scooby-Doo

• Permalink: It's nobody on Scooby-Doo
• Added: January 05, 2015

No, but why are you saying the dogs name before dads.

• Permalink: No, but why are you saying the dogs name before dads.
• Added: November 16, 2014

I'm gonna see which lobster I think deserves to die.

• Permalink: I'm gonna see which lobster I think deserves to die.
• Added: April 27, 2014

I tucked it between my legs as a joke and then it got stuck.

• Permalink: I tucked it between my legs as a joke and then it got stuck.
• Added: April 27, 2014