As a mother, you can't help it. You spend your whole life looking out for your child. Never ends. And you'll do anything to make sure they're OK.

Donna

Loretta: Who goes there?
Detective Williams: NYPD, motherfuckers! The stalker, he didn't do it. He's creepy as fuck, but he didn't do it. The killer is someone in this room.

I did it! I killed Ben. Put poison in his disgusting protein drink before he went on stage opening night. And then I let him drink it. He showed up at the party, and I pushed him down the elevator shaft.

Loretta

Mabel: I have a lot to figure out. My gut keeps telling me it's Dickie.
Oliver: I told you to stay away ... actually, I don't mind Dickie. Not in the cast. Yes, let's go with Dickie. Dickie did it!

My brother's always been my business. My folks adopted me when they thought they couldn't have kids, but then they had Ben. Miracle Ben, Child star Ben. So, I spent my life protecting him. A guy who, by the way, was always fucking up. You know, insensitive jokes, DUI. Oh, the dick pics, the thousands of dick pics. ... I was there cleaning up the mess, making it look good. But he still gets all the credit for everything. Story of our lives. The fame, that CoBro franchise.

Dickie

Charles: I wanted to say that I'm sorry.
Oliver: Oh, apology accepted. Friendship mended. You're hired.

Charles: I don't think she [Loretta] did it.
Oliver: Oh my God. That means she's a killer.
Charles: Why?
Oliver: Oh please, Charles. It's not like you're instincts on these things are famously good.

Sometimes, a man's name actually starts with an R.

Mabel

Oliver: Matthew Broderick! I've had sex dreams about this moment. How did you already nail that song?
Mathew: What can I say? I'm a vessel.
Oliver: Yes, say more. Or less. Just keep standing there so I can soak this in. Matthew Broderick! Broadway legend!

Oliver: Well, I'm so, so sorry for trying to breathe life into your dead career by putting you on Broadway.
Charles: My career was not dead. Did you know that Brazos wanted to do burrito sots? 32nd bonus episodes available exclusively on the Chipotle app. But I said no because I wanted to do this, which I realize now was a huge mistake.
Oliver: Oh, it was, huh? Well, maybe I should have hired someone who could actually sing.
Charles: Well, maybe you should have because I quit.

Mabel: Tobert is not my boyfriend.
Charles: Oh, so you do pronounce the final T. It's not like a French cheese tobert ... garcon ... s'il vous plait.

Charles, if the goal was to offer a more interesting anecdote, we're headed in the wrong direction.

Oliver

Only Murders In the Building Season 3 Quotes

Howard: We thank you for your attention. Brief anecdote. I remember when I auditioned for Mr. Oliver Putnam for this very play.
Oliver: True.
Howard: Do you remember what you said to me, Oliver?
Oliver: I sure do, I said. How about you be my assistant instead?
Howard: That's right. Word for word.

Charles: I know you're nervous. I know your last Broadway show was a disaster. Everyone knows that. The world knows it.
Mabel: Fast forward, fast forward.
Charles: But you, sir, are a talented young man. You have a gift for leadership. And when you ask me to join this production.
Oliver: Hold, please. I asked you?