The only way to settle a family dispute is in the cage.

• Permalink: The only way to settle a family dispute is in the cage.
• Added: November 15, 2015

Meg: Trust me, I know more about getting bullied than anyone.
Peter: You do? How?

• Permalink: You do? How?
• Added: November 15, 2015

I can't go to jail. They'll razz me good on account of my belly.

• Permalink: I can't go to jail. They'll razz me good on account of my belly.
• Added: October 25, 2015

What if God is a serial killer? He lowers the average lifespan of humans to 65.

• Permalink: What if God is a serial killer? He lowers the average lifespan of humans to 65.
• Added: October 25, 2015

I'm as creative as the first spider to spin a web.

• Permalink: I'm as creative as the first spider to spin a web.
• Added: October 25, 2015

Hey, Meg, I like your new boyfriend. Every pot finds a lid, huh?

• Permalink: Hey, Meg, I like your new boyfriend. Every pot finds a lid, huh?
• Added: October 11, 2015

We act like we didn't take a lot from The Simpsons, but we took a lot from The Simpsons.

• Permalink: We act like we didn't take a lot from The Simpsons, but we took a lot from The Simpsons.
• Added: October 11, 2015

Brian: Well I don't know if I'd label myself a drinker. I know I like a cold beer after I mow the lawn.
Peter: There were three lies in that sentence.

• Permalink: There were three lies in that sentence.
• Added: April 19, 2015

Peter: I missed you Brian.
Brian: I missed you too Peter.
Peter: And now Im gonna go upstairs and pee in Meg's bed.
Brian: No, we're going to go pee in Meg's bed.
Peter: Good boy.

• Permalink: Good boy.
• Added: April 19, 2015

Oh god how do you get pink-eye? This is got to be it!

• Permalink: Oh god how do you get pink-eye? This is got to be it!
• Added: April 19, 2015

He's my friend, I miss him.

• Permalink: He's my friend, I miss him.
• Added: April 19, 2015

Brian: Permission to take fast tiny bites at my own tail, sir?
Peter: Go ahead.

• Permalink: Go ahead.
• Added: April 19, 2015