Everything I have I owe to this job...this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.

Dwight: If you're ever in the area, you'll always have a place to stay...in my barn.
Jim: There it is.

Jim: I think it's time for you to bury the hatchet.
Dwight: Waste of a good hatchet.

Not enough for me? You are everything.

Dwight: You're a good assistant Jim.
Jim: Not as good as you.
Dwight: That's very true. Get the hell out of here.

Dwight: We're third cousins, which is great for bloodlines and isn't technically incest.
Jim: Right in the sweet spot.

By two o'clock Dwight will choose himself to be the assistant to his own assistant, me.

Jim: That's my favorite part of Christmas, the authority.
Pam: And the fear.

Dwight: Is there a belt above black?
Jim: You should ask him. It's a color you would never expect.

Dwight: Jim, tell him wear he can stick his grapes.
Jim: In the fridge!

Jim: The raise isn't real.
Dwight: Money isn't real ever since we got off the gold standard.

Jim: Can't you do something about this?
Robert: Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves, Jim.

The Office Quotes

Kevin: Michael, did you just throw up in here?
Michael: Nah. Just poopin'. You know how I be.
Kevin: It smells like throw-up in here.
Michael: Crazy world. Lot of smells.

David, here it is. My philosophy is basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter... where. Or who, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or... or where you've been... ever. For any reason, whatsoever.

Michael