Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXGlenn Quagmire Quotes
Quagmire: Where do you get off?!
Stewie: Pretty much everywhere I hear. Fat man's right -- they're making this easy.
My misguided carnal instincts are the results of being raised by a sexual deviant.
Doctor: How do you feel?
Quagmire's Mom: Horny. Really horny. Could you put him back so I can push him out again?
I don't want to go to jail, but I really want to take credit.
Peter: Jesus, we're going to help you lose your virginity!
Quagmire: Oh god! I love sex!
Jesus: Uh hot ladies. Horny ones. Who, uh, sex on you.
Quagmire: What?
Jesus: Yeah, you know, they come back to your house and sit on your butt.
[meditating] I can be Giggity. I can be Goo.
Sonja: Giggity.
Quagmire: That's my word.
What a surprise, the mugger's never heard of Truman Capote.
Oh my god, he's really hurt bad - you're out of the baseline by the way you're out game's over - but oh my god, Horace is really hurt!
Quagmire: What the hell? Jerome's on your team?
Mort Goldman: That's right! We got to know each other while I was following him around my store!
Joe: Here you go guys, first time in a while I've had wood in my lap.
Quagmire: Are we supposed to laugh at that? Because it's upsetting.
