Carob cookies and berries are literally my favorite dessert alternative.

Hopefully that will help any sensitivity you have around your…boob hats.

I’ve been reading up on nipples.

Everything is amazing. Today is perfect. And I love you.

Chris: Ron, I want to do things the Swanson way.
Ron: Wonderful. First rule. No conversation lasts longer than 100 total words. I have used 9. You have used 20.

April: Every year we would dress up as demons and we would egg Larry’s house.
Larry: That was you?
Chris: Please, Larry, this is a private conversation.

Sir, I formally retract my hug.

It appears that where #BitchBoss is clearly an indication of frustration #BossBitch is a term of endearment. Isn't language fun? It's like racquetball! For your mouth!

I think a lot of things. I like thinking. I also like racquetball.

Ben, it's been an honor watching you work today. It's been like watching Leonardo work. Da Vinci or Dicaprio—you're that good.

Together, as a town, we lost an amount of weight equal to 800 pregnant manatees.

Due to a tragic misunderstanding, the prettiest pig beauty pageant has been replaced by a pork rib barbeque competition.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Tom: I meet a girl at a bar. She seems kind of into me, could go either way. I get her number. It's two days later. What do I text her?
Zach: It was nice meeting you.
Tom: No, Zach. I don't text her it was nice meeting you. I wait eight weeks and I text her, "what's crackin'?"

Ron: Who the hell is 'Fwarp'?
April: I don't know. I couldn't really hear him. It sounded like his name was Fwarp.
Ron: Get his number?
April: No.
Ron: Good girl.