36 Lafayette Reynolds Quotes from True Blood
![](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1661721234/user/modwild)
We're recalling some of the best lines from Lafayette Reynolds on True Blood.
Nobody could deliver a line like Nelsan Ellis.
Enjoy!
1. Hey, Hookah. How you doin'? what are you doing here? I work he...
![Lafayette reynolds new true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--6MAPCN5j--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1499545423/lafayette-reynolds-new-true-blood.jpg)
Lafayette: Hey, Hookah. How you doin'? what are you doing here?
Tara: I work here.
Lafayette: Oh, no the hell you don't!
Tara: Oh, yes the hell I do too, you ugly bitch.
Lafayette: Shit. Sam must've lost his damned mind because you should not be allowed to work in no situation where you actually have to interact with the people
2. All right, all right. I is on my way. But you might got ta find ...
![Lafayette reynolds new true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--6MAPCN5j--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1499545423/lafayette-reynolds-new-true-blood.jpg)
Lafayette: All right, all right. I is on my way. But you might got ta find your own ride home. Just in case I get lucky.
Tara: Whatchu mean if you get lucky? Your standards are so low you always get lucky
3. I shouldn't have lost it like that. Don't you feel sorry for y...
![Sookie stackhouse pic](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--g6myaO7M--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371129632/sookie-stackhouse-pic.png)
Sookie: I shouldn't have lost it like that.
Tara: Don't you feel sorry for yellin' at that snoopy old bitch. She's been stickin' her nose where it don't belong for years.
Lafayette: Say it. I mean, if she talked any more shit she'd be shaped like a toilet
4. It felt like... It felt like every single care or worry or saddn...
![Sookie stackhouse pic](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--g6myaO7M--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371129632/sookie-stackhouse-pic.png)
Sookie [describing Bill biting her]: It felt like... It felt like every single care or worry or saddness I've ever had was just flowin' out of me and into him. And, yeah it hurt at first. But when I relaxed, it didn't hurt at all.
Lafayette: I was always scared to let him bite me. I don't know, Sookie. I just think that when there's blood involved, a line been crossed.
Sookie: Oh, I definitely crossed a line and glad I did.
Lafayette: Well you go ahead on, hookah with your badass. Good for you. It ain't possible to live unless you crossin' somebody's line.
5. If you die I'm gonna be really pissed That makes two of us
![Rutina wesley as tara](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--FhvQw0Nm--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371070720/rutina-wesley-as-tara.png)
Tara: If you die I'm gonna be really pissed
Lafayette: That makes two of us
6. Make me a vampire. I beg your pardon? You can put me to work...
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
Lafayette: Make me a vampire.
Eric: I beg your pardon?
Lafayette: You can put me to work in the bar...I'm a good dancer you've seen it on my site. (Eric walks around to him) Shit, I'd get up there and I'd move Earth and Heaven go-go style.
Eric: You are aware there's a gaping hole in your leg? You're damaged goods.
Lafayette: Not if you turn me. I'd be good as ever. Look I...I'm already a person of poor moral character. So, I hit the ground running and I damn near glamour people already. Gimme what ya'll got...not only will I be a bad-ass vampire, but I'd be your bad-ass vampire
7. I am so happy and proud to shake the hand of someone with your v...
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
I am so happy and proud to shake the hand of someone with your values. Too often we're governed by criminals and hypocrites. Don't you agree? But I can tell you're a man of virtues and I applaud the effort you're making against the poor and disenfranchised. Especially the vampires and the gays. So many things can happen to bring down a person such as yourself. You might wanna be careful
Lafayette [while shaking the senator's hand]
8. You're too busy praising Jesus to realize your daughter wants to...
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
You're too busy praising Jesus to realize your daughter wants to move in with him permanently.
Lafayette
9. Jesus and I agreed to see other people, but that don't mean we d...
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
Jesus and I agreed to see other people, but that don't mean we don't still talk from time to time.
Lafayette
10. This has got to be the worst motherf**king intervention in histo...
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
This has got to be the worst motherfucking intervention in history
Lafayette
11. If only Miss Jeanette was still alive. She don't need no backw...
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
Lettie Mae: If only Miss Jeanette was still alive.
Lafayette [about Tara]: She don't need no backwards witch. She needs Thorazine and padded cell
12. Tara, you are safe here. You have to do exactly as I say I am...
![Stephen moyer as bill compton](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--GvIqGCFY--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371129634/stephen-moyer-as-bill-compton.png)
Bill: Tara, you are safe here. You have to do exactly as I say
Tara: I am not your fucking slave girl
Lafayette: If there ever there was a time to listen to a white man, Tara, this is it
13. I got a lot on my mind lately. That must be new.
![Jason stackhouse pic](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--pyzjSuMf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371129639/jason-stackhouse-pic.png)
Jason: I got a lot on my mind lately.
Lafayette: That must be new.
14. Them f**kers is a whole new dimension of trash.
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
Them fuckers is a whole new dimension of trash.
Lafayette
15. Go tell your mama that two faggots whooped your ass!
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
Go tell your mama that two faggots whooped your ass!
Lafayette
16. We'll stay for five minutes. 10 if they got dranks.
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
We'll stay for five minutes. Ten if they got dranks.
Lafayette
17. You're a witch, who's a nurse, and a dude? How did I get so luck...
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
You're a witch, who's a nurse, and a dude? How did I get so lucky?
Lafayette
18. We could end up in Hell, or f**kin South Dakota.
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
We could end up in Hell, or fuckin South Dakota.
Lafayette
19. Marnie won. We're f**ked.
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
Lafayette: Marnie won.
Jesus: We're fucked.
20. Marni just puked that bitch out.
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
Marnie just puked that bitch out.
Lafayette
21. I felt like a giant-ass puppet for your ghost uncle.
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
I felt like a giant-ass puppet for your ghost uncle.
Lafayette
22. Next time, text a motherf***er or somethun' and save us all from...
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
Next time, text a motherf***er or somethun' and save us all from a world of worry.
Lafayette
23. Goat tongue for breakfast. Wow. That smells well done.
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
Goat tongue for breakfast. Wow. That smells well done.
Lafayette
24. You is the angel of death.
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
You is the angel of death.
Lafayette [to Sookie]
25. Arlene, these beans is colder than titties in a brass bra.
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
Arlene, these beans is colder than titties in a brass bra.
Lafayette
26. I'm a bitch not a snitch, love it.
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
I'm a bitch not a snitch, love it.
Lafayette
27. Save room for dessert. I ain't gonna tell ya'll what it is, but ...
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
Save room for dessert. I ain't gonna tell ya'll what it is, but best believe it's gonna be flamin.
Lafayette
28. I ain't Gmail for dead bitches.
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
I ain't Gmail for dead bitches. Send your own goddamned messages!
Lafayette
29. Creepy spirit thing, why you in Sookie bathroom?
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
Creepy spirit thing, why you in Sookie bathroom?
Lafayette
30. Hookah I ain't in the helpin' business no more. I'm in the fu-k ...
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
Hookah I ain't in the helpin' business no more. I'm in the fu-k off while I smoke a blunt business and business is about to pick way the fu-k up.
Lafayette
31. You gotta eat yah grease to beat the booze.
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
You gotta eat yah grease to beat the booze.
Lafayette
32. You ready for this? Bout as ready as Big Pharma can make a man...
![Sookie stackhouse pic](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--g6myaO7M--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371129632/sookie-stackhouse-pic.png)
Sookie: You ready for this?
Lafayette: Bout as ready as Big Pharma can make a man.
33. Now let me get this hetero straight, so you's a vampire that can...
![Stare from pam](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--1B9_2G9t--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1379456536/stare-from-pam.png)
Lafayette: Now let me get this hetero straight, so you's a vampire that can come out in the daytime.
Warlow: Yeah, in a nutshell.
Lafayette: There go the damn neighborhood.
34. Well hey there sugar boo boo. Now what is you doing here at yo p...
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
Well hey there sugar boo boo. Now what is you doing here at yo place of work? Cause I know it ain't work.
Lafayette
35. That's the sickest thing I've seen in TV. And I watch Dance Moms...
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
That's the sickest thing I've seen in TV. And I watch Dance Moms.
Lafayette
36. Sh*t I'm pregnant again. Hey, you forgot your rings. F**k ...
![Lafayette from true blood](https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--eK-ep6Bf--/t_slideshow/cs_srgb,d_tv-fanatic-placeholder-square.png,f_auto,fl_strip_profile.lossy,q_auto:420/v1371071179/lafayette-from-true-blood.png)
Arleen: Sh*t I'm pregnant again.
Lafayette: Hey, you forgot your rings.
Arleen: F**k the rings.