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The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 18 Quotes
It is with great pride that I place the safety of our city in the hands of the first four people who showed up.
Mayor Quimby
Thank God there's a fire. Marge's birthday is coming up.
Homer
(to Skinner) It would be a shame if the next fire you fought was in hell!
Apu
Apu: Are you suggesting we should steal?
Moe: Hey, it ain't stealing if you take it fast.
Moe: You know, I think I'll volunteer, too.
Barney: Why'd you say "too"?
Moe: Well, I assume I'm not the first one.
Marge: Just come back alive, okay?
Homer: Don't tell me how to do my job!
(bowing to Homer) King of thieves, we worship you!
Apu and Moe
Homer: Moe, can we talk?
Moe: Are you crazy? It's 500 degrees in here! (Checks thermometer) Oh no wait, it's only 495. What's on your mind?
Rod: But users are losers!
Homer: You're confusing drugs with druuuuuuugs!
Marge: I'm sorry, Maggie, but growing up means giving up the things you love.
Grampa: It's true. I had to give up everything but raisins, and the doctor says even those are killing me. Sweet, plump coffin nails they are.
Marge: Homer, I think you dominoed this.
Homer: That's ridiculous. If I had set up those dominoes I'd be wearing my special domino-setting-up knee pads.
(lifts pant legs to reveal he's wearing Dominex knee pads)
Why am I sleeping when right next door is every kid's dream - - a fat, suggestible, zombie dad?
Bart