The Conners
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABCThe Conners Quotes
Oh, you’re going to be a whole different kind of special.
Dan [to Beverly Rose]
Mark: I think I might be able to get a great college essay out of this. I’m a gay contrabassoonist from the wrong side of the tracks.
Darlene: Buckle in.
Mark: Why?
Darlene: Because you are on a rocket sled to Harvard.
Your snooping is causing me to do something no Conner has ever done. I’m going to go open a savings account.
Mark
Becky: Can you watch Beverly Rose?
Dan: In the hardware store? We had a broken bag of birdseed, and the rats are running around like it’s a Vegas buffet. I could give her a mallet, and she could play whack a mole.
Mark: I'm going to do whatever it takes to do better than the rest of you. Nothing's going to get in my way. The rules no longer apply.
Darlene: Oh really? The rules do apply as long as you're under my roof. I'm not going to let you do anything stupid, but if you do, there will be consequences. Until you're 18, and then you can be as stupid as you want. And if The Conners before you are any indication, it's going to be Nobel prize stupid.
Mark: I hate you.
Darlene: Then I'm doing my job.
Mark: You're making a big deal out of nothing. It's like my generation's version of coffee.
Darlene: Yeah, your generation also ate detergent pods. You're a bunch of idiots.
Dan: How's Jackie's foot?
Becky: Oh, the foot's coming along, but the doctor used the phrase, "at your age," and that's going to take a while to heal.
Look at yourself. You're shaking and begging for pills. No school or grade, or scholarship is worth that. You're a smart kid. You're just not cut out for this pace.
Darlene
Harris: I know you didn't invite me because you thought I'd be jealous, but I love my little brother, and I'm happy when he does good.
Darlene: I know that.
Harris: And who knows, maybe if Mark does really good, you'll let him decide who he wants to fall in love with and won't throw him out of the house like a dog who crapped on the rug. Anyways, that's all I wanted to say. Love you all. Goodbye.
You are not old. You are crazy.
Neville [to Jackie]
Darlene: I think I'm just going to keep him in the school and hope he adjusts to the workload. I am going to have to watch him like a hawk.
Dan: What does that even mean? Are you going to drug test him every day?
Darlene: If I have to.
Dan: That's a nice bonding moment. I think Norman Rockwell painted that. It's called "A Specimen for Mother."
Darlene: Hey, he gave me all the pills. I told you. It's over.
Dan: Oh man! How many times in high school did you give me all your weed?
Darlene: Never, and now I'm going to look through Mark's backpack.
