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South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralSouth Park Season 16 Quotes
Jesus Asterisk Christ, Stan! People are feeling really cheated by this!
Cartman
Butters: I asked preacher, what about the New Testament? And he says well you still should ought to read it, but you gonna need to put an asterisk next to Jesus' name when ever it comes up!
Cartman: So weak, dude. Dark times, brah. Dark times.
I know people that paid ten bucks for those braclets. I bet they feel pretty stupid now.
Randy
Priests and bishops have been working overtime to remove Jesus from the record books and The Last Supper.
News Anchor
Jesus did not suffer for our sins, he was in fact very high.
Drug Investigator
You know I spent five bucks on that stupid thing?
Cartman
I don't know what to believe in any more, mmkay!
Mr. Mackey
Sergeant Yates: How many people at the Monster Mash?
Officer 1: Most of the town, sir. It's a graveyard smash.
Officer 2: Whatever we do, we better hurry, sir, it's on in a flash.
CARTMAN SMASH!
Cartman
It's Stan's stupid Captain America costume, that's what throwing everybody off! How's people supposed to get that I'm the Hulk when Captain America is on freaking FaceTime?
Cartman
Person: Oh, wow! Look honey, it's Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, and Bruce Vilanch!
Cartman: I'm not Bruce Vilanch!
Person: Oh, what are you supposed to be? Oh right, you're supposed to be that uh, uh..
Cartman: The Incredible...
Person: Oh, The Incredible Chaz Bono!
Stan: My dad is kinda losing it. To be honest, I feel kinda bad for him.
Randy: Stan, get off the damn phone, people are gonna start calling to reserve movies, gah!
Stan: Oh never mind, I hate him again.