Night Court
Tuesdays 8:00 PM on NBCNight Court Quotes
Abby: I’ve been so busy, so I’m just letting Rand take the lead on things I don’t feel too strongly about.
Olivia: You feel strongly about which beans should be in the chili on Chili Wednesdays.
Abby: Pinto! Garbanzo beans should just stick to hummus!
Olivia: You know what the craziest thing is about weddings?
Gurgs: The fact that you’re having a fancy meal with two people you know are definitely going to have se later?
Really? Another disorderly conduct from the New York Wedding Expo? They had Wrestlemania in the same building and somehow it was less violent.
Abby
Neil: Gurgs, what’s going on?
Gurgs: Well, I went into the judge’s chambers to do my primal scream therapy when I saw a guy with a knife, and I did an actual scream which wasn’t therapeutic at all.
Olivia: Oh god, was it the foot perv who’s always asking people their shoe size or the guy who sells the olives?
Dan: Well, just know that if it’s the guy who eats soup with a fork, watch out. He’s pretty good with that thing.
Gurgs: No, it’s a brand new creep.
Please let me out! I’m claustrophobic and agoraphobic, which means I’m seldom okay.
Rand
Not the first time I’ve been accused of wearing a mask. Most Halloweens, people think I’m going as John Ritter.
Rand
I’m here all week to help Abby get marathon-ready. Y’know, keep her hydrated, cheer her on, find clean versions of DMX songs to blast. Which are really just audio recordings of a grown man barking.
Rand
Dan: Look, I didn’t want to have to do this, but I’ve run out of options. I need you to use your judicial powers to declare a piece of furniture my emotional support bench.
Abby: Do I look like a local radio DJ to you ‘cause I don’t take requests! Very sorry, I’m just coming down from Beast Mode.
Dan: Change is part of life. You either accept it or one day a guy tries to take your bench away and you briefly consider dressing it up like a very tall weird-looking man and sneaking it past a near-sighted maintenance worker.
Abby: Is that a metaphor?
Dan: I wish it were.
Rand: She starts out slow, but then she enters a new mode, a beast mode.
Olivia: The woman who apologizes to her gavel when she bangs it too hard?
Rand: Yeah, that’s just the surface, but under that surface, she’s a maniac, ready to snap at any minute.
Olivia: That actually makes sense. Y’know she has zero unread emails in her inbox. That’s a person with real darkness inside.
Gurg: We just wanted to stop by and compliment you on how shiny the cafeteria floors have been lately.
Bert: Are you mocking me? The day janitor does the cafeteria floors. He gets a fancy new buffer and you know what I get? A wet rat on a stick.
Bert: I do have a tub gator that my neighbors complain about.
Dan: Course they do. They miss their cats.
