Kirk: Luke, where's your lost and found?
Luke: Outside, in the dumpster.

Luke Danes: What can I get you Kirk?
Kirk Gleason: Patty melt and a coke.
Luke Danes: You want the melt cut into squares or stars today?
Kirk Gleason: Half and half.

Green is the new pink!

Sherry Tinsdale

Hey, I have an idea! Why don't you just pretend we did and go around acting really immature. Oh wait...

Rory

Rory: Grandma was only trying to help.
Lorelai: Do you still believe in Santa Claus?

Emily: Why are you throwing cutlery in a public place?
Lorelai: Uh, 'cause I feel stupid doing it at home?

(to Lorelai) I think you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen -- outside of a really filthy magazine.

Kirk

Lorelai: But this goes against every rule I have in the Gilmore Survival Guide. Number one: No running with scissors. Number two: No page-boy haircuts. Number three: Never, ever have lunch alone with the mother.

Lane: I have got to do something!
Rory: Run around the block!
Lane: Why?
Rory: I don't know!
Lane: Good enough for me. (dashes out of the room)

Lorelai: So I think I'm in touch with the other side.
Rory: The other side of...
Lorelai: The other side.
Rory: With Republicans?

Luke: Hey, wait now. You're talking crazy talk trying to confuse me now, aren't you?
Lorelai: Aren't you!
Luke: What?
Lorelai: Who?
Luke: Stop it!
Lorelai: Bye!

(about the teenagers in the class that she was trying to give a speech to) They were coming at me like I was Poland and they were Nazis!

Lorelai

Gilmore Girls Season 3 Quotes

Rory: Louise, what is your grandmother wearing to graduation?
Louise: Hopefully the pearls I get when she kicks.

Jess: I need ham.
Ceaser: No ham.
Jess: We got a shipment of ham yesterday!
Ceaser: No ham.
Jess: Ceasar, there is a lady over there that has been saying she wants ham for the last twenty minutes and if I go back there empty-handed, there is a fifty-fifty chance that she will eat me!
Ceaser: No ham!
Jess: Then sew some bacon together because that woman is getting ham!