Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFamily Guy Season 4 Episode 22: "Sibling Rivalry" Quotes
Lois: Do you think I'm fat?
Waiter: Only if you think I'm a serial killer.
Lois: What?
Waiter: Nothing.
Lois: Why should I get my tubes tied? You should get a vasectomy?
Peter: First: I don't know what that is. And two: no freakin way.
Joe: A lot of the guys on the force have had vasectomies, and their lives haven't changed much.
Cleveland: Would you ever have one?
Joe: NEVER!
Chris: Say Doc, what did you do with the all the fat you took out of my mom?
Dr. Hartman: It's right here in this storage closet.
(He opens the closet and sees Peter having sex with the bag of far
Peter: Um, it's exactly what it looks like.
Announcer: We now return to Morgan Freeman starring in "The Narrator."
Morgan Freeman: Ever since I was a little boy, people have enjoyed the sound of my voice. And I figured you either get busy talkin or you get busy dyin'. The work is really quite easy. Why even right now I'm just sitting in a chair, sipping some tea and reading from a script. The wall is covered in something that resembles egg crates except they're soft and spongy, like a twinkie...like a twinkie.
Peter: Well, my vasectomy is tomorrow.
Cleveland: You poor bastard. Sex is pointless without the potency.
Quagmire: Yeah. You take the venom out of the cobra, and what have you got? You got a... a belt!