Toby Flenderson Quotes
Michael: I know what you wanna ask me, did your mom ever see you naked?
Toby: We can do this with more privacy.
Michael: So you can molest me? Okay, I don't think so. We're gonna keep the blinds open so everyone can see what a big failure you are.
Toby: Hey Jim!
Jim: Not now Toby! My God!
Michael: Get the hell out of here, idiot.
Toby: [walking away] What did I do?
Darryl: Toby! Dwight! You come to my house? Bust up my trash cans? Call my baby sister an a$$hole and tell her to eat dog food?
Dwight: We thought she was you.
Darryl: How would you think a lady is me?
Dwight: [pause] Are you serious? Because you look exactly alike?
Toby: I don't see it.
[to Darryl's sister] Hey you a$$hole! You eat all that dog food yourself!?!
Dwight: He's lying.
Toby: He has a doctor's note.
Dwight: From who, Dr. J? You really need to investigate this. People don't just fall off ladders.
Toby: A guy on my street fell off a ladder. It was on the news?
Dwight: Since when have you known Darryl to rush to do anything, other than to come up here for birthday cake? [lowers voice] "Y'all havin' birthday cake?"
Toby: That's not a very good Darryl.
What are you guys talking about? I have a daughter, how can I be a virgin?
David Wallace: [playing volleyball] Nicely done. We're still going to crush you though!
Charles: Yes we are!
Rolph: You suckers are goin' down! They're gonna wipe their asses with your serves! Piss all over your faces!
Dwight: Okay, Rolph! Woah. Wait, wait-
Rolph: It's true!
Toby: This reminds me of the HR convention last fall.
Andy: You don't understand clothing, Toby. You're dressed like this amorphous blob of khaki.
Toby: All right, look, what you gotta understand is that when you come to work, you give up certain rights.
Dwight: Listen up, Flenderson. You're being weak and ineffectual. I'm cowboying this meeting, okay? Here are the new rules. Earth tones only. Also, women are forbidden to wear pants.
Toby: All right, come. Sit down, Dwight.
Dwight: No.
Toby: I'm running this meeting.
Dwight: That's debatable.
Toby: It's not. It's not. Sit down or I am writing you up.
Meredith: Ooh, where has this guy been?
Toby: Casual Fridays are cancelled. [everyone protests] Let's just not do it anymore.
Andy: You're running from the problem.
Toby: There's not a single appropriate outfit in this whole--except mine, quite honestly.
Toby: Hey, Meredith. Can I talk to you privately for a second?
Meredith: About what?
Toby: Your outfit.
Meredith: What? What's wrong with my outfit?
Toby: You ... might consider pulling it down a touch. It's ... it's riding up a little high.
Meredith: A bunch of prudes. You know, Oscar's allowed to wear sandals, but I'm not allowed to wear open-toed shoes? [pulls down dress, office gasps] Is that how it goes?
Oscar: Meredith, your boob is out.
Meredith: Fine. [pulls dress up, everyone gasps again]
Angela: Meredith, too far!
Kelly: Dammit, Meredith, where are your panties?
Meredith: It's casual day. Happy?
Oscar: I'm sorry you're offended by my shoes, but I am not going to drive home to change.
Toby: I could loan you a pair of socks.
Oscar: No.
Toby: No, they're clean. I was going to wear them to volleyball practice later.
Oscar: I don't think so.
Well, I was in the Seminary for a year and dropped out 'cause I wanted to have sex with this girl, Cathy. Followed her to Scranton. Took the first job I could find in H.R. Later she divorced me. So no, I wouldn't say I have a passion for H.R.
