Mrs. McCluskey: Gaby, those kids of yours are turning into serial killers before our very eyes.
Gaby: Okay, I'm not going to argue with you because you're sick and totally correct.

I'm always getting my Mexicans confused, which I'm allowed to do because I'm Mexican.

Gaby

My husband's an alcoholic so I can only drink at work.

Gaby

Gaby: You can't dress for church if you want to move the 'merch. You gotta shake the rear to make them buy the gear. You wanna sell some knits, you gotta flash the...
Carlos: Gaby! I got it.

She also has the right to remain horny.

 

Gaby

Do me a favor and wait until I leave to restock the books. I can't cry again today.

Gaby

Carlos: Hey babe, I'm in the middle of something.
Gaby: Obviously not shaving or putting on deodorant. You look like a terrorist.

It's like royal wedding with a hint of slut.

Gaby

You better watch. This phone has a whoop-ass app.

Gaby

Juanita: First, kissing. Then, get married. Then, he buys me presents.
Gaby: Oh my God, you are my daughter.
Gaby: Wow. Booze, loose morals, and swearing? Too bad, there's no more Bree left.

Bree: I don't like your accusatory tone.
Gaby: Well, I'd use a different tone, but I'm trying to accuse you of something.

It's a cop funeral. What do you expect... clowns?

Gaby

Desperate Housewives Quotes

Let's find something fun-size for me to enjoy.

Renee

Preston: We don't want to get spanked.
Porter: Yeah, we promise we'll be good.
Lynette: Too late, you stole and then you lied. Even worse, you made me look bad in front of Mrs. McCluskey, who you know is mommy's sworn enemy. Time to pick your poison. How 'bout a belt? It's a classic... Well, we could go with the old hickory stick. It's a cliche, but it's pretty effective. I know, we'll go with the spatula. The holes give it less wind resistance; moves faster.
Scavo kids: No! No! No! No!
Lynette: Guys, guys, guys, hey my hands are tied. Thieves get spanked. Just the way it works. Unless...
Porter: Unless what?
Lynette: For a first time offense, if you swear, cross your heart, that you will never, never steal again, and you write Mrs. McCluskey a letter of apology, I will let it slide.
Scavo kids: Okay! Yeh! We swear! Yeh! We swear!
Lynette: Alright, start with Dear Mrs. McCluskey.
Porter: Mommy, why are you smiling?
Lynette: Do you know what physiological warfare means?
Porter: No.
Lynette: Well, too bad for you