The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFat Tony Quotes
Dan: Fat Tony, a word?
Fat Tony: How about meringue?
Dan: That's a great word.
We are bleeding red ink, which is the only thing we should not be bleeding.
Fat Tony: Call that doctor that owes us a favor.
Louise: Actually we owe him a favor
Fat Tony: Do him two favors and then remind him that he owes us a favor.
(Fat Tony drives the school carpool home.)
Fat Tony: Milhouse, may I borrow your three-ring binder?
(Milhouse holds up two binders.)
Milhouse: Garfield or Love Is...?"
Fat Tony: Uh, I prefer the cat. He hates Mondays. We can all relate.
(Michael and Fat Tony invite the Simpson family over for dinner.)
Marge: We'd love to! You know, I've never met you wife.
Fat Tony: Sadly, my Anna Maria was whacked by natural causes.
Marge: Oh, you're a widower.
Fat Tony: I bring flowers to her grave every Sunday.
Marge: Ooh, flowers every week! I wish I was dead.
In the strip club of my heart, you held da key to da champagne room. I loved you, man.
To heterosexual male friendship. The kind the ancient Greeks wrote about.
Chief Wiggum: You wouldn't happen to know anything about a cigarette truck that was hijacked outside of town, would you?
Fat Tony: What's a truck?
Chief Wiggum: Don't play dumb with me!
Bart: Uh, say, are you guys crooks?
Fat Tony: Bart, um, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving family?
Bart: No.
Fat Tony: Well, suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?
Bart: Uh uh.
Fat Tony: And, what if your family don't like bread? They like...cigarettes?
Bart: I guess that's okay.
Fat Tony: Now, what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?
Bart: Hell, no!
Fat Tony: Enjoy your gift.
Lady: Some large men to see you, sir.
Skinner: Uh, I don't have an appointment with any large men...
Fat Tony: Are you Skinner?
Skinner: I'm Principal Skinner, yes! And how may I ask did you get past the hall monitors?
Fat Tony: Pick a horse, kid. We're putting two dollars on the third race. Make it a good one.
Bart: Eat my shorts!
Fat Tony: Eat My Shorts? Okay, let's see ... wait a minute, you little punk! Eat My Shorts is in the fifth race! I said the third race!
Bart: Don't have a cow.
Fat Tony: Hmm, Don't Have A Cow in the third, put a deuce on him.
Chief Wiggum: You're all under arrest for the murder of Seymour Skinner!
Fat Tony: What's a murder?
Chief Wiggum: Don't play dumb with me!
