Grab that letter opener over there. I'm going to show you why you should never mail cash.

• Permalink: Grab that letter opener over there. I'm going to show you why you should never mail cash.
• Added: April 17, 2016

I'd be happy to get you an interview. And as a white woman, you'd be the minority here. Unless you're an alcoholic.

• Permalink: I'd be happy to get you an interview. And as a white woman, you'd be the minority here....
• Added: April 17, 2016

Oh, yeah. Black guys put hot sauce on everything on account most of us have been pepper-sprayed by the time we're two.

• Permalink: Oh, yeah. Black guys put hot sauce on everything on account most of us have been...
• Added: February 21, 2016

Giggity.

• Permalink: Giggity
• Added: January 03, 2016

You want the media to go away? Just mention black on black crime.

• Permalink: You want the media to go away? Just mention black on black crime.
• Added: December 13, 2015

I love putting my hands down my pants when I'm on drugs.

• Permalink: I love putting my hands down my pants when I'm on drugs.
• Added: November 15, 2015

Whew, I was damn near out of tweed.

• Permalink: Whew, I was damn near out of tweed.
• Added: March 15, 2015

Your kid's got a walk in closet?! Two of mine gotta sleep in the car!

• Permalink: Your kid's got a walk in closet?! Two of mine gotta sleep in the car!
• Added: February 15, 2015

That's the Riddler. He would make inquiries to set your mind a-jumble.

• Permalink: That's the Riddler. He would make inquiries to set your mind a-jumble.
• Added: May 11, 2014

[when he has an orgasm with Carolyn] Wait. Wait! Wait!! OHHHH!!! And boom goes the dynamite.

• Permalink: Wait. Wait! Wait!! OHHHH!!! And boom goes the dynamite.
• Added: December 08, 2010

Peter: Cleveland?
Cleveland: Hey fellas.
Peter: Holy crap! Who knew we'd run into you, except everyone cause FOX ruined it in the promos.

• Permalink: Cleveland? Hey fellas. Holy crap! Who knew we'd run into yo...
• Added: May 17, 2010

Joe: (about Peter's parrot) Hey Peter you kinda look like a pirate with that thing on your shoulder.
Peter: A pirate? Oh cool!
Cleveland: You should get a pirate name.
Joe: And a peg leg.
Cleveland: And a hook hand.
Quagmire: And you should have sex with that crossing guard even though she looked young, and then I found out she was 12.
(everyone stares at him)
Quagmire: I mean you should get an eye patch.
Joe: Eye patch would be cool.

• Permalink: Hey Peter you kinda look like a pirate with that thing on your s...
• Added: February 22, 2010