Are you about done? I'm supposed to go lion hunting with a scumbag dentist.

• Permalink: Are you about done? I'm supposed to go lion hunting with a scumbag dentist.
• Added: January 17, 2016

Carter; Tear it all down. Now. Or I'm cancelling Kwanzaa.
Warlord: What is Kwanzaa?
Carter: Ha! I knew it wasn't real.

• Permalink: Ha! I knew it wasn't real.
• Added: January 17, 2016

Carter: So that money's just been Josh Hartnetted?
Peter: What's that?
Carter: Gone, disappeared, never to be heard from again.

• Permalink: Gone, disappeared, never to be heard from again.
• Added: January 17, 2016

I got to email that to Babs. She hates people.

• Permalink: I got to email that to Babs. She hates people.
• Added: January 17, 2016

God, it's good to be old and nude.

• Permalink: God, it's good to be old and nude.
• Added: May 20, 2013

Magic baby? What does he do? Card tricks? Rabbit in the hat? Will he let someone in the audience punch him in the stomach? I'd like to punch a baby in the stomach.

• Permalink: Magic baby? What does he do? Card tricks? Rabbit in the hat? Wil...
• Added: December 23, 2012

Carter: The government wants to tell you how many children you can have!
Herbert: What? No!

• Permalink: The government wants to tell you how many children you can have!...
• Added: May 14, 2012

Peter: "And tell the African-American elevator employee that he can stop wearing gloves."
Carter: "Why don't you just tell him that he can sleep with my wife too!"

• Permalink: And tell the African-American elevator employee that he can stop...
• Added: December 11, 2011

Carter: "Hey Quandry."
Quagmire: "No, no it's Quagmire."

• Permalink: Hey Quandry. No, no it's Quagmire.
• Added: December 11, 2011

Carter: If you will not be turned, you will be destroyed.
Chris: Oh yea? You and what lightning hands?

• Permalink: If you will not be turned, you will be destroyed. Oh yea? You...
• Added: May 22, 2011

Good luck. I hope you like weird boobs.

• Permalink: Good luck. I hope you like weird boobs.
• Added: April 17, 2011

Now let's kiss while the camera pans over to the drapes.

• Permalink: Now let's kiss while the camera pans over to the drapes.
• Added: October 11, 2010