The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXCarl Carlson Quotes
Carl: Hey, Homer, you wanna get a beer on the way home?
Homer: (bitter) I can't. I gotta take my wife to the ballet.
Lenny: Heh, You're gonna go see the bear in the little car, huh?
Carl: Sir, your spare ribs, cooked just the way you like them.
Mr. Burns: Spare ribs eh? I've played around with ten pins a time or two in my life and, to me, the term spare reeks of second best. Give me ten full frames of strike ribs. [to Lenny]: And you, find my doctor and find out why I'd ask for something as insane as strike ribs.
Carl: All in favor of a strike?
Everyone: Aye!
Carl: And all opposed?
Man: Nay.
Homer: Who keeps saying that?
Man: It was him. Lets get him fellas.
Carl: What do we want?
All: More equitable treatment at the hands of management!
Carl: When do we want it?
All: Soon!
Homer: What does this job pay?
Carl: Nothing.
Homer: D'oh!
Carl: Unless you're crooked.
Homer: Whoo-hoo!
Carl: Hey, I heard we're goin' to Ape Island.
Lenny: Yeah, to capture a giant ape. I wished we were going to Candy Apple Island.
Charlie: Candy Apple Island? What do they got there?
Carl: Apes. But they're not so big.
(to Homer) Yeah, and I got my enchanted jock strap!
Carl: That's it?
Lenny: Yeah, I've got a magic bat too!
Carl: And I have an enchanting jockstrap, Heh, heh, heh.
Burns: These two gentlemen are American as apple pie! Hans and Fritz, why that's just... John and Frank!
Quimby: Ich bin ein Springfielder
Carl: Oh this ain't good!
Homer: We'll all lose our jobs!
Marge: Look at all those worried faces, except for Lenny, he looks great!
Lenny: (with mouth surgery) This is the worst day of my life.
Carl: I'd give him my blood, except for one thing
Lenny: What's that?
Carl: I don't wanna.
Homer: I can't believe you guys, there's a human being out there, with millions of dollars who needs our help, and you don't wanna cash in? That's why you losers are stuck in this crumby dead-end job!
Carl: You know Homer I am your supervisor
Homer: Sorry sir.
Donut Delivery Man: Why are all these donuts piling up?
Carl: Homer Simpson went on a diet.
Donut Delivery Man: Oh, my God! I just bought a boat!
(Homer, Lenny and Carl eat lunch at the power plant)
Homer: D'oh! Outta tartar sauce. They call this a portion? Hey, Lenny, are you gonna use all of your tartar sauce?
(Lenny slides his lunch tray away from Homer)
Homer: Dry fish sticks. This sucks.
Carl: Quit complaining, chrome dome.
Homer: D'oh! If I had hair, you wouldn't be calling me that!
