The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXApu Nahasapeemapetilon Quotes
Head Of Kwik-E-Mart: You may ask me three questions.
Apu: That's great, because I only need one!
Homer: Are you really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?
Head Of Kwik-E-Mart: Yes--
Homer: Really!?
Head Of Kwik-E-Mart: Yes--
Homer: You!?
Head Of Kwik-E-Mart: Yes. I hope this has been enlightening to you. Thank you, come again!
James Woods: Is it true you once worked for 96 hours straight?
Apu: Oh, yes. It was horrible. Near the end, I thought I was a hummingbird of some kind.
James Woods: Oh yeah, you know, I studied your old security tapes.
Apu (on security tape: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Apu: In a few minutes, I try to drink nectar out of Sanjay's head.
Man #1: I need one twenty-nine-cent stamp.
Apu: That's a dollar-eighty-five.
Man #2: I'll have two dollars worth of gas.
Apu: Four-twenty.
Martin: How much is your penny candy?
Apu: Surprisingly expensive!
Apu: Oh, this time I have gone to far. No, no one will fall for--
Homer: Woohoo! Cheap meat!
Homer: Stop being such babies. You can't be afraid to try new things. For instance, tonight I'm using a... Apu, what do you call this thing again?
Apu: A "napkin".
Homer: (Laughs) Outrageous!
Apu: (Near the top of a mountain) There she is! The world's first convenience store!
Homer: This isn't very convenient.
Apu: Must you dump on everything we do?
(Apu sees Homer in the shower with a candy stuck in his chest)
Apu: What's that?
Homer: EhI like to leave it there.
Thank you for coming. I'll see you in Hell!
Brad Goodman: Let me hear what's troubling you. Don't be shy, yell it out. Everybody, go!
Mayor Quimby: I, er, can't commit to a relationship.
Mr. Burns: I'm too nice!
Apu: I have problems with--
Lenny: I'm always interrupting people!
(Homer is reading the magazines at the Kwik-E-Mart.)
Apu: This is not a library!
(Homer goes to the library.)
Librarian: This is not a Kwik-E-Mart!
Bart: Hey Apu, this bag of ice has a head in it!
Apu: Oooh, a head bag! Those are chock-full of... heady goodness!
Ice Delivery Man: You've got to start charging more than a dollar a bag. We lost four more men on this expedition!
Apu: If you can think of a better way to get ice, I'd like to hear it.
