Lois: Chris, honey, what's wrong? Chris: Anna took a dump on me. Lois: What?! Chris: Yeah, she broke up with me. Lois: Oh, she dumped you. That's what you meant to say. Chris: What's the difference? Lois: Well, what you said first was... well, I mean, when two grown-ups love each other very much, sometimes they show it by... never mind.
Joe: (about Peter's parrot) Hey Peter you kinda look like a pirate with that thing on your shoulder. Peter: A pirate? Oh cool! Cleveland: You should get a pirate name. Joe: And a peg leg. Cleveland: And a hook hand. Quagmire: And you should have sex with that crossing guard even though she looked young, and then I found out she was 12. (everyone stares at him) Quagmire: I mean you should get an eye patch. Joe: Eye patch would be cool.